Let’s Talk Church Girls and Unplanned Pregnancies

A few days ago, I spent a couple of hours in my living room chatting with a long time friend. I’ll name her Christine. Lets work with Chris, thanks. Not relevant to this article but Chris was a love at first sight. The first time I saw her, I pre-destined our friendship lol. Something about her aura struck me. Anyways, we’ve since been friends for 5 going to 6 years. Irrelevant for this article, but I will one day write on how intentional friendships require the same intentionality we give our romantic partners or family.  We have had both highs and lows, broken up and made up but hey, here we are on a cold good Friday afternoon, waiting for that betrayal kiss on a cup of coffee.

Fun fact, I met Chris in church. We were both serving in our church’ youth group at the time. So that Friday evening as we sat there reminiscing on the goodness of our lord Jesus over the years, random conversations about church and people popped up haha. It is important to mention that Chris and I are no longer members of the church we met at. However, we still are church girls haha. So the topic about people came from a point of “and where did so and so go to?” “When is prophet Elijah’s wedding?” lol. In that discussion we realized that a significant number of the girls we served together in the youth group either fell pregnant, eloped with boys from church and elsewhere for marriage. While a few got married “the right way.”

I’ll need to explain what the right way of marriage is here for context. I’m a Pentecostal Christian. In my faith, the only marriage that is acknowledged as holy, is the white wedding anything else is a sin that could even mean ex-communication from church for some denominations.

So Chris asked me, what exactly happened to us? Oh, I almost forgot to say we were celibate back then and most of the youth members were “celibate”. The quotes here are intentional because, we all spoke celibacy but only a few of us upheld the standards and the upholding was also up to some point for others like myself. So Chris’ argument was, “weren’t we observing celibacy?” and I asked her “you and whom?” we both chuckled. Because yes whom and whom was faithful to the vow?

A wonderful woman tells 5 stories in one then joins all of them at the end. So let me dive into another story. My sister and I have served in church for the longest time. (This is Easter weekend and the best way to wind it up is by mentioning church here and there like someone whose sins have been forgiven). We also served in our respective University’s Christian Unions. So one day, I went visiting my sister in her Uni days because there was this event she really felt I needed to attend for Jesus. hahaha. As I sat in her room under Hill song United preparing the way for the Messiah that night, a sister in the faith came in and said hi to us. She then went ahead to tell my sister how sister lets call her Magdalene was pregnant. (first of all what is it with all these church sis’ and bros and gossip in the name of the Lord?) Anyways, sister Magdalene was in the Christian Union leadership so you now know why the tea was thick. haha.

On to the 6th Story. I personally broke my celibacy vow a year later after Uni (haha, its not what you are thinking. I still need the Lord). I still continued serving in the youth group though. A year later after breaking the vow, I fell pregnant. At this point, Chris was a few months pregnant too. I’m literally laughing because I want to introduce someone else to this story so bad but I have not asked for their consent. She was also my friend from church and was a few month ahead of me too. So the question Chris and I were trying to respond to is, “Why do we have so many heaven going and demon binding girls suffering un-planned pregnancies?” This is not to say girl’s outside church aren’t suffering the same. But can we clean our own house before we go around offering a helping hand? Thankyou!

My sister and Chris are very important in the development of this article because there are things I will mention here that came from them. So lets dive into the meat and the potatoes of today’s story.

Reasons the 3 of us Felt Contribute to Un-planned Pregnancies in Church Girls

1.Assumed Celibacy

I don’t mean to say we don’t have church girls who are faithfully practicing celibacy. I have been one of them, so I know they do exist. However, its unfortunate that the numbers are not as high as the church leadership tend to imagine. When I told my mom I was pregnant, she looked at me with a whole confused face for what I’d say was 2 minutes without saying a word. When she finally said something she asked “what about the wedding?” haha. She raised a Christian and there was no way in heaven or hell her daughter was fornicating.

The problem is, most married people in church even those who didn’t keep purity till marriage assume all the youths are not having sex until marriage. I don’t know where to classify it; naivety, ignorance or hypocrisy lol. It’s funny how the church applauds fornicators who get to their wedding day without a single sign of pregnancy. I hate to say it but I also know a few girls who procured abortions and did “holy” church weddings (I’m pro-choice by the way, so this is not coming from a point of judgement). All that to say how purity standards are in the pits of hell. Let’s stop glorifying purity that is almost non-existent.  Most of us are getting pregnant because we are including ourselves to hearing the tales of our fake celibacy. Which brings me to the next point.

2. Little to No Knowledge on Contraceptive

It doesn’t matter how educated church folks are, If you want to start losing respect for them, hold a conversation on contraceptive. A close friend from church went to see a gynecologists because she was tired of all that whole purity ted talk and wanted to try contraceptives. When the gynae mentioned the non hormonal IUD, she started telling her the stories she’s had around IUD and the other contraceptives. The gynae laughed at the level of ignorance then went ahead to explain to her.

When I was in Uni, I of course had friends who were sexually active. They once had a “shameless conversation”, It was shameless to me because religion taught me sex was a shameful sin and God forbid that it could be mentioned amongst us. The conversation started with one of the girls asking “what contraceptive are you using?” Listen, sex is a sin but going ahead to protect yourself is whole new level of sin. lol.

There’s actually a lady who was told by her Catholic Priest that  she forfeited a chance at eternal life for providing family planning. Anyways, when my friends who were not that deep into religion were busy discussing how they can protect themselves, our youth leaders were busy demonizing family planning methods. It’s almost laughable when I remember brides-to-be during bridal showers being told to avoid using any contraceptives’ before they gave birth to their first child. Whilst there are Pros and Cons for each method, It’s important to seek medical guidance.

3. Secret Relationships

This pretty much relate to the first point. If there is one place everybody is trusting the Lord for a godly partner yet having sex more than married couples, say CHURCH after me. Most church folks would let you in their pay slips easily than they would with who they are dating. Mostly, the purpose of that “privacy” is to protect the fake celibate life. The second reason is for hypergamy’s sake because the level of tethering that happens in the Church youth groups, Jesus! If the temperatures were right, we’d have at least 3 people fainting at weddings for the obvious reasons.

Something that still baffles me is the fact that you will be slandered in most Pentecostal churches when they know you date openly, while someone else receives accolades for getting betrothed. Now please brothers and sisters, using graphs and a well illustrated diagram, explain to us how the betrothing is supposed to occur without prior dating! Someone I know went on a vacation with her boyfriend and found a need to justify herself to my friend and I saying “we didn’t do anything”. The truth is, I personally didn’t care if she did or did not. I still don’t. I however hope that what she said was the truth because why would anyone be so confident to tell such an inconsequential lie?

Solution

We need to sweep our house and leave it clean. Christian ladies, come and let us reason together. Let’s be honest with ourselves. I don’t care what you want to display on the outside but deep down you know what’s up with you.

We are tired of un-planned pregnancies from us. We are also tired of affirming people how “it’s a blessing”. We both know its not otherwise we don’t need to remind you of it.

First of all, can we talk celibacy? To be honest, from someone who has been in both sides of the spectrum, there are pros and cons to each, but celibacy wins. There are so many demons you avoid facing just by choosing this less-travelled path. I would highly recommend and encourage celibacy. Not the talk, the act. Don’t lie to anyone including yourself, it’s possible and you can do it. Just remind yourself the why.

If the first point can’t work for you sister Veronica, can we get that IUD on please and serve the lord with it? I know how controversial and ridiculous I sound right now. But sis, you are already sinning. The ridiculous thing here is for you to accompany your sins with an evidence you are not even ready for.

There’s nothing unholy with dating. Stop having sex with random pianists in church every other week yet you are single and saved. Get yourself one man and sin with them until you make it Holy one Saturday morning. haha.

Finally, Ecclesiastes 11:9 Young people, enjoy your youth. Be happy while you are still young. Do what you want to do, and follow your heart’s desire. But remember that God is going to judge you for whatever you do. Do the first part as you sharpen your negotiation skills for the later. lol.

And the final finally, keep one “unholy” sister friend. They have information you need and lack, maybe not from Thessalonians this time.

Bye!

Thanks for reading to the end!

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