Defination of Romantic love: Transactional or Unconditional?

What Is Romantic Love?

For someone who spends hours reading romantic novels and whose favorite movies are teen, high school, and college romance, I think I’m being a bit too audacious.
In my world, romantic love is nothing short of soap operas. I want a meet-cute. Pink, red and white balloons by my bed as good morning, some serenading for lunch, watching the sunset, and dancing under the moonlight by the evening. Seriously though, I have noticed with a lot of concern that most girls who enjoy the same genre as me are prone to relationships that never witness the sunset…

Authoring this article should not by any means send an impression that I have figured out love. If anything, please mention my name to the Lord as you pray it’s worse than you would ever imagine.

If I was to define love emotionally, I would say it is a mixture of joy and pain. Good and bad times.
One person in, one person out. Willingness and unwillingness to stick together. Whatever pair of contrasting adjectives you have, please be happy to fit them into this list.

What’s My Philosophical Standpoint?

I’d like to start this with some personal stories to give this article a non-robotic feel… So, one day my boyfriend and I played truth or/and dare. When it was my turn to ask for the truth from him, I posed the question ” What is one thing you didn’t expect to happen but it did?” I need to mention that all the times we’ve played this game, he almost always needs time to find an answer but this time, he responded almost immediately with ” You liking me.” I was like Yoh, bro why is that? Of course, he didn’t explain why but an overthinker like me will most likely come up with at least ten appropriate answers.

Side note: I have a few exes whom I don’t regret dating at all. In another life, I would still date them in that same order. My exes are an integral part of this article and I will mention a bit about why I liked each of them. There was one that all my friends thought was cute with a great athletic body and small cute eyes he ended up liking me (I still like him a lot). There was one who was hella hot (I still find him attractive AF) and anytime I walked around with him I felt “important”. If you know me well you know I can be lame like that…  There was one who was quiet, well-mannered, and religious. Well, quite reverenced within my circle and I ended up with him (I didn’t like him as much). There was another one whom I told my best friend from the minute I saw him, Imma date that one, and indeed I did ( I’d want him back). At this point, you know the number of exes I have thank you! let’s proceed…

All that being said, back to my definition, if you google what romantic love is some of the responses you find are:

“An intense feeling of deep affection.”

“A great interest and pleasure in something.”

“feel deep affection for (someone)”

Whilst I don’t dispute google’s findings, I strongly feel love is deeply rooted in egocentrism. Well, I have heard people say “oh, you don’t choose whom your heart falls in love with..” Sorry to burst your bubble baby but you very well do.

Short Story:

My friend let’s call her pinky. So, pinky had this guy in her DM doing all the hard work for well, a couple of months. He never succeeded to secure even one evening coffee date for a very long time. While boy was busy throwing his shots, Pinky was on the other hand getting to know another guy who ended up being “trash” ( eeish women be choosy but still pick nonsense). Out of curiosity as well as gathering today’s content (haha), I asked Pinky “Why don’t you ever give this guy even a two-days chance?” She casually responded with a very unbothered tone” he’s not my type.” Since she’s my friend, to whom my loyalty belongs, boy was not the type our mama’s carried us 9 months for. Period.

I think at this point I want to give this lover boy a name. So, let’s call him Pookie. Pookie needs to teach us one thing he excels at: Patience. He took his mission a notch higher, with gifts and lunch here and there delivered to Pinky’s office. To noticing her birthday and sending her a gift for the same. Let’s just say, Pookie is the content we all prayed for in a package that didn’t satisfy Pinky. Skipping to the good part haha… They both ended up dating. They still are. It’s beautiful to behold.

Pinky’s story highlights something I’d like to say but don’t have the right words.  Call me a “liar” in the comment section if you’d stay in a relationship with a supermodel when he’s providing nothing be it fame, “importance”, material, emotional, sexual, or physical. Whilst I understand the intimate side of a relationship, I would never ignore the thought that relationships are transactional.

Let me give it a little twist so we read from the same page. I don’t know about anybody else, but when I’m dating someone they are possibly the most spectacular thing God spent his time creating. I want to keep them as my “little secret”. To have and to hold forsaking all others is always the goal. Why do I think I want to solely own my man? My ego. I wanna know I got something no one else has access to. I know y’all feel me but are too proud to admit it!

I have listened to, and read so many love stories and I haven’t read one that started with “wow, that person looked deprived of love. I wanna love them .” I stand guided though, narrate one that you know of. In most cases, if not all, it’s always ” wow that’s a beautiful girl over there.” Of course beautiful enough to match “your type” (read) Ego.

Analyzing how each one of my exes made me feel, I realized in as much as I liked and loved them, one thing is for sure, I liked who they made me the most. Do you know why Christianity spread like wildfire? They sell the Gospel of ” the good Lord chose you…” Who doesn’t want to feel chosen? Imagine competing in a race that people have to vote and you emerge a winner. The “being chosen” here is more important than the post you were vying for. Imagine catching the attention of the hottest boy in school, trust me you are so diving into that relationship while love catches up.

As the captain of the vainest people on earth, I would without a shadow of a doubt date someone to prove a point to myself please catch me being an idiot!

Parting shot.

I refuse to believe love is unconditional. I honestly believe it is transactional instead. Don’t misquote me this does not only mean materially could be anything that is a deal breaker for you.

Do you know why cheating hurts? EGO. How dare you make someone else feel as special as I do? What do you think that another person is thinking of me? Why did you have to embarrass me this much? Why are you allowing other people into our private area of residence? Why exactly did you give someone else the same privileges as me? I thought I was special to you… among every other feeling, you have felt before. You are justified. Your Ego needs to be taken care of. Ends.

P.S. Romantic Love is beautiful. Pray to find someone who’s willing to massage your ego with the same intensity, vigor, and tenacity as you. A willing soul is the goal!

Let me know what you think Romantic Love is… I’m eager to unlearn what I know for sure and learn from y’all.

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